Mucha Musica

This week, I wanna talk about Billie Eilish. Oh my goodness is her music relatable, bare, raw, everything good. When I listen to everything else, I struggle, especially given the circumstances mentioned previously, but she just gets it.

If I could form a para-social relationship in my head, it would be with Billie. She just gets it- the feelings of infidelity, coping with self image, general feelings of sadness. I just wish I could talk to her about everything I’m going through. How sad it is that I feel so desperate but I just wanna know, how does she go through these things so regularly and still come out?

Maybe it’s how fast paced her life is- I tell myself if I make something of myself, I’ll make it- but it’s hard to tell. All I want right now is to be with him- basic I know. But I’ve invested so much, I love him and her music captures those feelings of loneliness. What song do I pick? I always highlight one that sticks out to me- but for her? There are so many.

I think that if someone near me, close and dear, went through what I am, I’d tell her to do the opposite of what I am. I need strength right now but it feels like despite having strength my whole life, I’m missing it the most now. I’ve been through worse, but there’s something so raw about this time. What do you do when the person who helped you heal feelings so raw and deep inside shatters your trust.

Comparatively, I just feel so unattractive compared to her, to him, to almost everyone. That’s what’s throwing me off. I want to say I’m attractive, but not in their league. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. For this blog, I’ll pick “Blue,” by Billie Eilish.